||[19 Jun 2006|03:18pm]
im bored with this site.
||[02 Jun 2006|04:48pm]
Got all my freaking money paid back.
Goddamn that feels good to say.
That feels good to say, too.
Cause I didn't think I was gonna.
I wanna know why people are like, "hey, let's hang out. I'll call you tomorrow and we can hang out."
And then they never call.
And when you finally call to say wtf, they don't answer.
And the next day they're like, "oh, sorry, couldn't hang out."
and they give some lame fucking excuse.
All people are the fucking same, I guess.
I've been saying whatever a lot lately.
Someone tries to explain themselves and I just say whatever.
It sounds really rude and shit, but unless I hate the person it's more of a pardon than a cut off.
Like a friend gives a reason for why they can't do something, and it's legit, I just say whatever.
If a person I can't stand or someone who I thought was a friend tries to give an excuse and it's all bull, fuck that.
I say whatever.
||[31 May 2006|07:19pm]
|| hyper and shaky
So I've realized something.
No one really cares about what I did today.
Or how I feel about different things.
And if they do, it's too much.
And that's damaging.
But guess what.
went to the bank.
had grad practice from 12-2.
worked from 3-9.
i had my 45 minute break and my supervisor was like...
when you coming down?
and i told her to call me when she needed me.
...an hour and a half later she calls me back down
i talked to people the whole time in the break room.
got in about an hour ago.
fucking i don't care :)
i'm doing whatever this summer
it's my summer.
||[27 May 2006|06:32am]
so about how poor i am.
bob- 20 from a while ago
insurance for the month- 160.
i have 5.04 in my savings.
AFTER depositing 300 and then having my parents take it out.
...but somehow i still owe them 300 more.
a check for 50, which is going towards school.
im working 55 hours this week between giant and odd jobs and tutoring.
so that should get me... -thinks- 450 dollars.
before being taxed.
so with taxes...about 350.
so 106 for my ticket.
103.50 that i owe everyone else.
...add in insurance and i'm in the negatives.
on top of that, i need gas in my car.
and new clothes.
I NEED A NEW FUCKING JOB
AND I NEED TO MOVE THE FUCK OUT
AND I NEED TO CUT OFF TIES FROM ALL PEOPLE
BECAUSE I OWE TOO MUCH GODDAMN MONEY
im 17 fucking years old.
ill be 18 in 2 ish months.
IM NOT SPPOSED TO BE IN DEBT TILL FUCKING COLLEGE
in other news.
this is the second date to be cancelled by the other person
WANTING TO GO SNIFF A LINE
instead of hanging out.
and in even other news.
||[24 May 2006|12:32pm]
I'm spposed to be writing a letter to my parents about how much I appreciate them.
Let's write a real letter, shall we?
Dear Mom and Dad.
You had me so that when you finally kill me you get the insurance money.
You treat me like I'm two years old.
You only stopped trying to literally hold me back because you knew I'd explode on you one day.
I have no money to my name because you don't either.
My money is your money.
My money is your food.
My money is this house that I didn't want to move into.
My money is the family car. And truck. And my car.
My money is this computer I'm typing on now.
You sent me to Padua to get me closer to God.
You sent me to Padua so I would become a doctor and give you more money.
That sounds better.
You're mad cause I'm going to art school.
You doubt in my ability to take care of myself.
You think that I'll fail.
You say I'm unrealistic and immature and childish.
Well fuck you, mom and dad.
Sinking low again.
Fuck you all.
||[17 May 2006|06:20pm]
Now I can honestly say for once that I have gotten way too much sleep in the past couple days.
I got 15 hours yesterday and just woke up from another nap now, and am ready to go back to bed.
Idk what's up with my sleep cycle, but it sucks.
Finished my AP stat exam. It was so fucking easy.
It made my day slightly better.
So about how I made someone cry today, while joking around.
Erin's being a flaming bitch and making me get off of MY computer,
seeing as the family one died.
||[16 May 2006|05:56pm]
Ugh. So about how i haven't been sleeping for like
i think the most ive gotten a night was 3.
not even gonna lie.
well i just slept like 4 hours and i feel like shit.
today is a badddddddddddd day.
ive got a stupid pit in my fucking stomach
and idk what about
and its making me nervous
and i cant fucking sleep
forgive no one.
||[15 May 2006|04:06pm]
Four more days.And when Miranda sang, everyone turned away-
Not doing anymore homework.
I have two tests left.
And 3 finals.
I also give up on school friends.
Apparently no one's planning on seeing anyone else over summer.
Fine, fuck them then.
They apparently can't accept me anymore anyhow.
So sorry that I changed, became happy, and suddenly can't be controlled anymore.
I'll work on that.
used to the noose they obey.
i <3 mars volta.
||[14 May 2006|10:02am]
-sigh- No date. Figures.
So. Yesterday was... fun.
Took Erin to Aston.
Went to Sarah's from there.
Our original plan was to go to Brandywine Library and study for AP Stat,
then go to Rosi's and dye our shirts.
We did go to Brandywine but instead of studying we talked to this
really chill and cool lady who came over and asked if she could sit with us and smoke.
We talked to her for like two hours.
Then we got food and went back to Brandywine.
"Reviewed" stat for like fifteen or twenty minutes.
Went to Rosi's and dyed.
My shirt came out pretty cool. Cept.
Someone apparently told the Dean about the "prank" (even tho it's a lame ass prank, it would have made her mad had she not known)
And she's all haha. that's great.
Bitches. All gotta ruin shit. Goddamn.
Then my car broke down.
It's fix-ed now tho.
Didn't get home till like 11.
Which is kinda early. But whatever.
Work tonight 2-10.
||[12 May 2006|08:40pm]
My parents are the most digusting people ever.
Oh. My. God.
||[10 May 2006|04:02pm]
In the past four hours I have indeed proved how easy it is to skip school, go to a fucking expensive hair place, get a 200 dollar dye job, and not have to pay for it.
I amaze me.
I go back tomorrow for a 100 dollar fix :)
And I'm not paying any of itttttt.
I enjoy when companies mess up their products.
It gets you free fixes.
Tonight's the art show.
Starts at 6:30.
So, anyone who's interested, go.
I need people to hang out with there.
Today's a good day.
And tomorrow should be, too.
Since I'm not going to school.
||[06 May 2006|04:47pm]
|| tired but good.
my hair is black.
and my eyebrows.
last night was prom.
everyone was way too excited.
picked bob up from school, got my paycheck,
he met my parents, got ready, went to jenns.
went to dupont country club.
it was nice in there, and dinner was nice.
they had amazing desserts. ohmygod.
the dance sucked.
we wrote all over the table cloth..
and then got yelled at by like 4 people for it. haha.
left for kahunaville.
that wasn't anything to get excited about either.
it was really boring, but it was still a good night.
i'm glad i brought bob. otherwise i might have had to dance,
or would've felt way underexcited,
or wouldn't have had anyone to talk to during the drive.
after afterprom we went back to jenns.
didnt really sleep. too much noise. and tummy aches from the good food.
woke up, took bob to work, came home.
went to walmart, got into a car accident :) nothing major. actually, no damage to my car at all. it was neither of our faults, which sounds impossible but really isn't. the lady was nice.
came home and the family went up to philly w.o me.
so im gonna hang out all night and watch movies.
p.x. yay bob and alisha! i dont think she'll ever read this but you make him happy. go you.
out i sign.
||[03 May 2006|10:27pm]
Broke up with Rob. No big deal.
Just kinda, rains on your parade. You know?
Like ... I felt all destitute and hopeless,
that there was no one out there.
Idk, that was just conditioned into me.
That no one really cared,
after all the shit I went through with people before.
But then Rob asked me out.
And I was happy.
And that made me hate people less.
And start getting along with more people.
So I've made lots of friends out of it.
So the more I think about it, the more I got than lost.
So I'm actually still really kinda happy.
Cause I learned people really do care about me,
and I don't annoy as many people as I thought,
and people who I thought were friends aren't really,
but people who I know are friends still are,
and are even closer now.
There's a lot of people I haven't seen lately, tho.
Got to see Elise and Tom and Sarah and Eric and the baby yesterday.
That made me happy :) I hadn't seen Sarah or Eric since before they had Hunter.
And I hadn't seen Elise since we hung out a few weeks ago.
And I hadn't seen Tom since break when I saw him at the mall.
So I'm seeing more of the people I know well and less of the people I need to get to know more, haha. Shit happens.
Prom is Friday.
I'm gonna put a list of shit I have to do here, since I'll forget otherwise.
-bring clothes to school to paint in
-stay late to wait for bob
-go to work and get check
-get flower shit
-ask laura about the camero and if its out of the shop
-hand in permission slip
-figure out what im doing with sarah saturday,
and buy hair dye :)
Can't wait to freaking dye my hair.
Alright. going to finish this shirt thinger I have to do and go to bedddd.
||[29 Apr 2006|09:52pm]
Gahhhh people annoy me.
Girl from work likes boy.
Girl is annoying as fuck.
Boy doesn't like girl and is a jerk anyhow.
Girl likes boy obsessively even tho boy did something mean to her.
We all hate boy. And we keep telling girl to hate boy.
She hates us for hating boy.
This is the reason why relationships are baddddddd.
The girl gets all tangled up.
The boy just doesn't see it the same way.
In other news.
I'm dying my hair.
Sarah's dying hers blonde.
Her mom thought I was on drugs.
But is now like... OH GOD INVITE KATIE BONES OVER!
Parents make me twitch.
Monday I get out early from school.
So I think we're going to Grotto's (me, sarah, rosi, and laurynne)
Thennn... Tuesday is day 6.
Thennn... Wednesday is nothing.
Neither is Thursday.
Friday I get out at 11.
Then prom with Robert.
Then Saturday I'm dying my hair and studying stat.
And Sunday will be work.
I really like having my week planned.
It makes me feel a bit happier.
I've been feeling kinda crappy lately,
about nothing really.
Idk. Just feelings I've been getting from people.
-shrugs- Who knows.
Alright, nap time.
I might be having a late night visitor.
||[27 Apr 2006|10:27pm]
I'm... not actually sure what's going on right now.
Could someone please tell me?
||[25 Apr 2006|04:21pm]
prom in a week and a half.
there's so much shit going on with friends over it.
"who's sitting together"
"why aren't you getting a limo"
"you told WHO they could sit with you?!"
i hate girls.
||[22 Apr 2006|08:22pm]
Ugh. So full.
Couldn't take being at home for much longer,
so went out to dinner at PF Changs.
Dad's home. So I decided to go to my grandmoms house instead of back to my house.
So that's where I am now.
I'm having fun playing with their new t.v. and drinking as many sodas as physically possible.
I should be finishing up homework, but I don't feel like it.
So many things are coming up in the next four weeks.
Art show at Hussian (anyone wanna go with me? It's May 2nd from 5-8 in philly)
Art thinger at Padua
Last day of classes
-sigh- I just want these next two months to be over
...P.S. Gas is finally more than $3.00 a gallon.
I'm finally considering the "boycott Exxon and Mobile and Shell for a day" deal. It could just work. It could also turn around to bite us in the ass.
Might as well try.
Uhh stomach acheee... I think I'm gonna go try to sleep.
Anyone want to hang out or go to philly next saturday or in the next month?
||[21 Apr 2006|10:31am]
glad to know i pissed another person off enough
to have them ignore me.
||[18 Apr 2006|09:55pm]
So Philadelphia is amazing.
Got so much Japanese candy.... oh god.
I got these cough drops made out of tea,
and these chewies that are these made flavors like cream
and some weird fruit,
and this really hard to open melon drink,
and this other drink made out of aloe vera.
I highly recommend Chinatown.
So today was an amazing day.
I can say honestly that I was happy today.
||[17 Apr 2006|09:20pm]
It's only kinda becoming a realization now...
that maybe... I only have one friend.
I can't talk to people like I used to.
I kinda feel like they don't want me to.
Like maybe it's a waste, or something.
Or I feel like I could try to have a heart to heart
with someone, and only get "ah" "oh" "right" or "heh"
Maybe I'm looking too hard to mean something to someone.
Like, maybe I feel like if I mean something to at least
one person, then everyone else won't matter. That maybe
then I won't think about everyone else's happiness and
my lack thereof, and just sit back and enjoy someone else's
in me. But I keep thinking- it won't happen.
It's not possible.
I'm pretty fed up with myself.